Woody Allen: the king of awesome quotes

 

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.