I’m one of the many under the unemployment curse. It’s been two months now and after the first pangs of disappointment, then the hope, at present I just find most of the interviews I’m going to ranging from uninteresting to absolutely ridiculous. My favorite questions that I’ve been asked at almost every interrogation are:
“How do you see yourself in five years?”
Well, I see myself as a CEO with a mansion, 50 cars, 20 dogs and perfect hair.
If I start with your company I see myself drinking heavily with my girlfriends in the next 5 years.
What the hell is that question? Of course everyone wants to be successful in the future and of course no one has control over it. Is this the first thing they teach them in HR school?? When you get to be a HR you have to ask people “How do you see yourself in five years?” 83612630 times a day, otherwise you have to choose to shoot yourself…
And next is the genius “At what sphere do you want to develop your career?”
I want to be a nuclear physicist but right now there are no vacancies so I’m applying for your marketing expert position.
They’ve got to be kidding me..
Yesterday, though, I had to fill one of those psychological tests that turned out to be the only criteria for the job. It had questions like “Do you pick your nose?”, “Do you gnaw your nails?” and “Do you often feel depressed?”. I’m sure no one wants a sulking nose-picker with bad nails but that was absurd. When I got my results it was like I was at a fortune teller not at a job interview: “You have a big problem at your present” and “You are determined and ambitious but you have to work on your responsibility”. Too bad she didn’t giveme the lottery winning numbers.
I definitely had a good laugh. My friends too. The thing is that if an utter moron happens to be more responsible than me, or if he doesn’t get bored with the test and reads all the question instead of clicking randomly on the answers, he’ll get the job. Instead of me. Too bad I have a Masters degree, I speak 5 languages and have good nails…